John's Sports Bloopers

More quotes from the "salary is inversely proportional to IQ" crowd:

"It's about 90% strength and 40% technique."

Johnny Walker, world middleweight wrist-wrestling champion, on what it takes to be a champ

"If I wasn't talking, I wouldn't know what to say."

Chico Resch, New York Islanders goal tender

"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

Yogi Berra

"We have only one person to blame, and that's each other."

Barry Beck, New York Ranger, on who started a brawl during the National Hockey League's Stanley Cup playoffs

"I'm wearing these gloves for my hands."

Yogi Berra, when asked why he was wearing gloves

"I'd find the fellow who lost it, and if he was poor, I'd return it."

Yogi Berra, answering Casey Stengel's question "What would you do if you found a million dollars?"

"He fakes a bluff."

Ron Fairly, Giants broadcast announcer

"I don't know. I'm not in shape yet."

Yogi Berra, when asked his cap size

"It could permanently hurt a batter for a long time."

Pete Rose, Cincinnati Red, speaking about a brushback pitch

"Fans, don't fail to miss tomorrow's game."

Dizzy Dean, baseball great turned sports announcer

"Me and George and Billy are two of a kind."

Mickey Rivers, Texas Rangers outfielder, on his warm relationship with Yankee owner Steinbrenner and manager Billy Martin

"Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres."

Jerry Coleman, Padres broadcast announcer, attempting to tell radio listeners about a fly ball hit by a member of the opposing team

"His reputation preceded him before he got here."

Don Mattingly, New York Yankee, on Mets pitcher Dwight Gooden

"Even Napoleon had his Watergate."

Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager, commenting on a Phillies' ten-game losing streak

"We are experiencing audio technicalities."

Ralph Kiner, announcer for the New York Mets

"Folks, this is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air."

Curt Gowdy, network sports announcer, on air

"I don't want to tell you any half-truths unless they're completely accurate."

Dennis Rappaport, boxing manager, explaining his silence regarding boxer Thomas Hearns

"Arnie [Palmer], usually a great putter, seems to be having trouble with his long putt. However he has no trouble dropping his shorts."

Golf broadcaster on the air during a tournament

"A lot of people my age are dead at the present time."

Casey Stengel, baseball great, Yankees and Mets manager

"If Jesus were on the field, he'd be pitching inside and breaking up double plays. He'd be high-fiving the other guys."

Tim Burke, Montreal Expos pitcher

"And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is that Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter, Kansas City leads in the eighth, 4 to 4."

Jerry Coleman, Padres announcer, going through the scoreboard on air.

"Today is Father's Day, so everyone out there: Happy birthday!"

Ralph Kiner, announcer for the New York Mets

"All I said was that the trades were stupid and dumb, and they took that and blew it all out of proportion."

Ron Davis, Minnesota Twins pitcher, commenting on press reports quoting him as criticizing team managers for trading top players

"The similarities between me and my father are different."

Dale Berra, Yogi Berra's son

"They throw Winfield out at second and he's safe."

Jerry Coleman, Padres broadcast announcer

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all
dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to
copulate me." 
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New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming
season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes
first." 
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And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my  own
mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To
win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." 
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Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John
Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
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Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in
football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like  Norman
Einstein." 
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Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going
to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is
beautiful)
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Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up
alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three,
then line up in a circle."
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Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter
Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to
prison for three years, not Princeton."
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Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a
color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how
to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
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Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of
heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in
the morning regardless of what time it is."
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Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to
Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's
expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or  an
aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)
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Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him,
'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach,
I don't know and I don't care.'" 
____________________________________

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told
a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're
spending too much time on one subject."
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Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob
Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips
responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."