More Jokes

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1. Making Money
2. Pig!
3. The Old Folks
4. Arnold
5. Top 10 Slogans Being Considered for Viagra
6. Accounting

Making Money

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

Little Johnny says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

Pig!

A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and yells, "BITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road.

IF ONLY MEN WOULD LISTEN.

The Old Folks

This old fellow in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, "Where are you going?"

He said, "I'm going to the doctor."

She replied, "Why, are you sick?"

"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."

So, his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater when he said, "Where are you going?"

She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."

He asked, "Why?"

She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

Arnold

Arnold is 82 and having some prostate problems. After examining him, the doctor gives him a specimen jar and says, "Take this home with you and try to produce a semen specimen. Stop by tomorrow and drop it off so can run a few tests." Harold takes the jar and heads home.

The next day Harold comes in and asks to speak with the doctor. When he is taken into the office the doctor asks how he made out. "Not good, doc." Says Harold. "I went home and tried to do what you said. I tried with my right hand 'til it was cramped from the arthritis...no luck. I tried with my left hand until I had blisters no luck. I asked my wife to help me out, so she tried with her left hand and with her right hand ... no luck. She even tried with her mouth. She tried with her teeth in and she tried with her teeth out-no luck. Then we called Edna next door to see if she could help."

"Good God, man!" exclaimed the doctor. "You asked your neighbor to help you!"

"Yep," says Harold. "None of us could get the lid off that jar."

Top 10 Slogans Being Considered for Viagra

10. Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!"
09. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper
08. Viagra, Like a rock!
07. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.
06. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
05. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
04. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!
03. Viagra, Tastes great!........., More filling!
02. Viagra, We bring good things to life!

And the number one slogan, being considered by Viagra:

01. This is your penis.........This is your penis on drugs.

Accounting

The owner of a golf course in Alabama was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He asked, "You graduated from the University of Florida. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."